First of all let me make clear that when I moved Mom in with me I knew absolutely NOTHING about Dementia. All I knew was that her Geriatric Physician had told me that she could no longer live alone. Me being me said, ok, lets go home and pack a bag and we'll figure the rest out later. Thankfully Jeff had gone with us because I don't know if I could have handled this alone! When I told Mom that we needed to get some clothes together and that she had to come with me, she was not happy about the situation. She tried to tell me that her doctor was just kidding and that he was always joking around. I assured her that was not the case and that we had to do this. She reluctantly agreed but didn't really help me pack her bag or get any of her clothes together. I didn't have a clue what would fit her. She had clothes everywhere in both of the bedrooms and she had sizes from 10 down to size 4. Some of the clothes were old enough that I couldn't read the sizes. Some I had bought her over the past year since she had lost so much weight so those I knew would fit her so those I grabbed up immediately. I picked up her makeup, toothbrush, toothpaste and medication as well as we were on our way.
It was a long drive to our house.. around 2 hours. When we first left the house, she seemed fairly normal. During the drive, I stopped at the Dollar Store and ran in while Jeff and Mom stayed in the car. There were just a couple of things that I wanted to pick up for her and I knew it would be a quick in and out. When I returned to the car, she was more confused than ever. She didn't know where we were going and seemed a little bit confused by Me again. I knew there had been a change but I wasn't sure what caused it. I can remember the uneasy feeling about this scenario and wondered how I was going to cope with all of this confusion. It only got worse from there....
When I pulled up to the house, Mom didn't remember my house or think she had ever been there. She insisted that I wasn't her daughter and she didn't know me. She even had me call my aunt so she could ask her if she knew that she had a daughter and how long she had known! Then she didn't believe that my kids (her grandkids), were mine. In particular, my oldest son, Trent, she seemed to know but didn't think he was mine. This whole time I argued with her about it all. How could she not know me? What did she mean Trent wasn't my child! I told her I had his baby book! She responded, anyone can have a baby book! Then she asked who my father was and although she knew his name, she still didn't believe I was their child. I can't begin to tell you the feelings that were running through my head at that time. I knew that my Mom and Dad divorced when I was only a few months old. Maybe she never wanted a child. I was probably a mistake and she didn't want to remember. It is amazing the things you think of in that situation and especially since I had absolutely no knowledge about Dementia! I was frantically trying to find pictures to prove to her that she was my Mom! I now realize how crazy that all was. I was doing all of that for my benefit because it was only causing her more confusion. During this journey, thankfully we learn things. It was all thrown on me so quickly but really there were signs that I just hadn't seen. Thinking back, at least she was able to live in her home for much longer due to my ignorance. I know that in hindsight it was super dangerous but it is what she would have wanted so at least for that I am grateful.
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